unspoken no. 1

he tells me everything

with his eyes

they tear open my soul




I need a God that I can get behind

So when I look into the eyes of devastation, I can say “God loves you” and won’t feel like i’m lying

what kind of love lets humans have their way?

I don’t like to say “i’m praying for you” because its not true

but also because my prayers are so flaccid

I talk to God

ask Him every question a good journalist would. or yell at him really quietly so he doesn’t smite me



either way He pleads the fifth

and I feel my cheeks warm because either i’m insane for believing or i’ve been unfaithful

Sometimes, when i’m desperate, I ask him for favors, usually world peace, and this makes me feel better

I repent

Then I open my eyes and He’s not there

because i’m blind? or a raving lunatic?

Sometimes I stumble across something of the Transcendent and I feel God flick my bones

an empty street

my nephew’s laugh

a summer thunderstorm

my father’s wrinkled hands

the smell of pine trees

a vulnerable body

lukewarm tea

Then I know.

But if there is Love behind this crazy mess how can He just sit there while we shatter

I call my mother and the earth mama

I call God dear and sometimes mystery man

I would never call my mama a bad name

I don’t think God’s a man

But men have hurt me and loved me and understood me better than most other genders so it seems reasonable

God, if you’re listening–

I wonder how many times that’s been said–

I can’t help but believe in you

but I don’t know how to know you

how to be okay with your tolerance

Teach me your ways

or better yet,


change them.



always write the title last and other rules

  1. think before you speak
  2. use periods
  3. finish what you start
  4. compare your problems to those of your neighbor and feel better and also guilty because who are you to be sad when someone else is more sad
  5. just dance
  6. make eye contact, but not too much
  7. use end-focus to make the last word stand out
  8. something about red sky at dawn
  9. use words expected in order the
  10. breath in. breathe out.
  11. say “pleased to meet you” even if you’re not at all pleased.
  12. learn to cook
  13. be interesting
  14. rejecting the null does not mean you’ve proven your hypothesis
  15. don’t rock the boat
  16. stand up for what you believe in
  17. tell the truth
  18. if you can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all
  19. be beautiful
  20. try to keep your carnivorous insanity to yourself
  21.  love savants and creatives and eccentrics once they’re dead or rich or famous but never before
  22. thou shalt judge thy neighbor
  23. love is love
  24. patience is a virtue
  25. turn that frown upside down
  26. waffles are life
  27. just keep swimming
  28. read
  29. be born, learn to walk, go to school, get a job, find a spouse, buy a house, have a kid or two, be a parent, pay your taxes, rest in peace
  30. read the economist
  31. know what dividends are
  32. take showers
  33. say sorry first
  34. never call your Aunt Sonja a wretched old babboon
  35. don’t bring up politics or religion or money or anything personal or of substance with anyone you love because then they might not keep loving you
  36. forgive and forget
  37. have courage
  38. don’t fuck up
  39. laugh at all the right times and never at the wrong times
  40. floss at least once a year
  41. don’t swear
  42. use the word morose more often